If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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