Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
