Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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