her vagine was all disorganized.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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