She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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