Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
