I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
