Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The adults are the big ones right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
