dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
