i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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