Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize