Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
