all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
