I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
