Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
