I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i will never coherently bang her
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
