Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
