If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
