considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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