Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
