someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
