Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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