one word: firstdatebathroomanal
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
