the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize