Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
