so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
