Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
