I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
do herpes really smell.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
