if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
