using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
