Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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