I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
