If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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