I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
