i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
