I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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