i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
