dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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