Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
