Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
