she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
