the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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