I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This beer is not sobering me up at all
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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