Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
