My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
