Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
a search helicopter?!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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