Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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