i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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