I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
