I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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