Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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