Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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