i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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