we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
