She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I deserve this hangover.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
