hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
