I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
