just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
