We're like a lot better than the average bears
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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