so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
