Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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