His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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