I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
