At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
