im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
