I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
