32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you win again, gameday.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
