Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
