those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
