I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
