Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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