i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
