My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
