ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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