don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
