Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
