She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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