I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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