I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
