The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
