I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
