There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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