I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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