I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
