I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
