she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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