Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
