WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
