Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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