Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this just has baby written all over it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
