when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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