he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize