Midget sex pt 2 tonight
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
