meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
