On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she smelled like a LAN party
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
