I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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