I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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