Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
