so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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