hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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