i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
