ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
