i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
