I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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