as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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