I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
