It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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