You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
